“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when
to do so would injure them or others.
The Big Book and the Bible emphasizes that mere living without our vices and sin isn’t sufficient. While abstaining from addictions and sin may prevent further harm, it doesn’t address the damage already inflicted. Simply put, staying clean, sober, and less sinful is necessary, but not adequate.
In our walk with Christ, we are introduced to the concept of sanctification. Christian sanctification refers to the process by which a believer is set apart, purified, and made holy by God. It is a progressive work of the Holy Spirit within the life of a Christian, aimed at conforming them to the likeness of Christ. Sanctification involves the ongoing transformation of a person’s character, thoughts, desires, and actions to align with God’s will and moral standards. Making amends is part of the sanctification process and Step Nine.
Before involving others in our amends process, we first write letters to those we harmed Learning from others’ experiences is crucial in avoiding misinterpretation and misapplication of these principles. Therefore, it’s advised to consult someone, preferably our recovery partners, our pastors, or our sponsors if we are in a regular recovery program, before reaching out to those we have harmed.
Remember prior to making an amend we must seek the person’s consent to avoid causing further harm. Respect for their feelings and privacy is paramount.
When addressing emotional harm, our goal is to uplift the individuals we approach, not seek their admiration. The approach involves prayer for guidance and strength, followed by:
- Acknowledging our sin and commitment to recovering with Jesus.
- Explaining the program’s requirement to make amends for past harm.
- Expressing regret for the harm done, highlighting their positive qualities, and refraining from discussing their faults.
- Offering to repay any debts incurred.
- Humbly asking for forgiveness and inviting them to share any additional grievances.
It’s essential to communicate in clear, straightforward language, avoiding jargon or complex terms.
A personal approach is generally preferred over written communication, especially if seeing us in person would cause genuine distress. We must exercise caution when approaching past romantic partners or spouses, ensuring our actions won’t disrupt their current relationships.
In cases where the individual we harmed has passed away, we make amends through prayer or make a graveside amend. If attempts to contact someone prove unsuccessful, we rely on prayer and refrain from further action unless an opportunity arises unexpectedly.
Regarding debts, we should approach creditors with honesty and humility, seeking assistance in repayment. If emotional harm is involved, a personal approach is advisable.
Ultimately, completion of Step Nine occurs when we’ve made all possible amends, recognizing that some debts may take time to repay, or some individuals may be unreachable. Once this step is fulfilled, we can consider making significant decisions, reentering relationships, and walking further in our relationship with Christ and others.
- Have I decided which person I plan to make direct amends to? If so, why this person first? If not, what is holding you back?
- Have I asked God to help me with this step? If not, why not?
- Ask Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help you with this task. Select one person and write one letter and share it with a Recovery Partner.
Bible verses to consider:
So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you Ephesians 4:32.
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. Proverbs 18:2
Source: page 76 Alcoholics Anonymous
